I’ve been on my couch crying for 3 weeks.
Not able to move or think, just going from my
bed to the couch and back.
Sleeping and binge watching…
Breaking Bad, Grace & Frankie, The Kindness Diaries
And lots of documentaries (for brain stimulation)
I thought I would get better but…
Days just kept going by and I just kept crying and
Laying on the couch until I realized…
I was having a Broken Heart.
Being sick had slowed me way down
from all the doing and focus on my business.
Knocked down, quiet and introspective.
Grieving everything that had gone on in my personal
life (loves lost, relationships that didn’t work out)
My business life, the relationship with myself,
My clients, My Team, My failures.
(loves lost, relationships that didn’t work out)
Yes. I was having a Business & Life Heartbreak.
How can any of us transcend the Heartbreak?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
I realized I wasn’t stuck or plateaued…but actually was
Realigning and Resetting myself for a deeper congruency.
Here are 7 Mindset shifts that help me through (my dark night of the Soul)
1. Make Peace with Hardship
Failure, rejection and disappointment are the pitfalls to be faced. In fact they are not the opposite of success but an integral part of it Success. We all like to win. And it hurts to fail, to hurts to be rejected and it hurts to be facing daunting obstacles. However, when we stop resisting the “what is” and accept it with no blame. Things get lighter. And it’s’ in that space of acceptance there is freedom.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Resilient”
2. Let go of Blaming Yourself
We are all wired to blame the situation, and other person or ourselves. Before you can even take a breath, it’s like a Ferrier Dump Truck. What if it was no one’s fault? Your inner critic is always there waiting to drag you down or beat you over the head with “You should have… or If only you knew more…You don’t really think you can to this, do ya?” Self-doubt and Blame.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Accepting” and (if you want to go the extra mile) “It’s all for me”
3. Take Charge of Your Life (and your business)
It’s your life and your business “Do it your way”. If you are hurting give yourself the gift of taking the day off and going to the beach or laying in the backyard. After all you are the one making the rules. Take time to digest and process your feelings, journal, talk it out with you BBFF (best biz friend forever). If you don’t take charge and make decisions that support and further your growth you will get stuck there forever and probably quit.
Tonight talking with a business girlfriend about all of this I said “I am a teacher and a student … this is how I do my business!” She laughed and said that’s the best thing I have heard yet.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Capable”
4. Focus on Yourself
Whenever we are going through any kind of heartbreak it is easy to compare yourself to someone else. Thinking they have it better, they are more successful or they’re a lucky bitch! Comparing your beginning to someone middle will always eff-you up. We used to laugh about this in the New York Art World “20 years to be an overnight success”. Silence all mental chatter based on comparison. When you can focus on Yourself acknowledge your guts and hard work, your sass and pizza you will change your vibe, you trajectory and your overall state of mind.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Brilliant” (the extra mile) and “I love myself no matter what!”
5. Time Heals (All)
Whenever you are in heartbreak give yourself the gift of time and space (It takes as long as it takes). Time is the element we dislike the most. Especially we type AAA entrepreneurs. We just want to get it done with and move on! (I’ve got things to do) Heartbreak is what it is. Hold a space for yourself to feel it all. Sit with the painful pocket of slowed time giving yourself the gift of patience (which some of us can only do by getting sick—wink, wink). By opening your heart and accepting your situation as fully as you can, the heartbreak will pass more quickly. Heartbreak is a full-time job so this does not mean, sit-wait-hurt. It means FEEL-BE-DO.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Thriving”
6. Stop Over Analyzing
The natural thing to do after loss, failure or rejection is to obsess over how, what,
when, where and why. Going over it and over it and over it again. It is ok to know the facts
“Just the Facts Ma’am, Just the Facts”—my favorite saying from the old TV show Dragnet. Everything else is story. Hold the mindset that every heartbreak is a New Beginning. Work to let go of recycling the old story and the triggering event. Use the facts of failure to your benefit by allowing them to reset your trajectory. Simply correct and continue.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Resetting”
7. Be Flexible
The lesson of any failure is to let go and remain flexible to the ever changing flow of life.
The bigger your ego, the more you have the desire to control, the bigger the heartbreak will be. Know that this failure is just one more moment in the grand scope of your life. I doesn’t define You. There is so much to be learned from Heartbreak. It brings you information and knowledge that you never could have learned otherwise. Hardship catapults you and your career where things can only be good or better than before. “Been Down So Long, Looks Like Up to Me”—said with my sassy rebel voice and twinkle in my eye.
Heartbreak is the backdoor to Success. Any uber successful person will tell you they have failed many more times than they have succeeded. One of my millionaire mentors Suzanne Evans used to say “I fail 80 % of the time”. What she forgot to say is the 20% of Success is Sweet!
The great thing about growing your capacity to fail and feel bad is you are also growing your capacity to feel good and succeed.
Rebel Mindset: “I am Expanding”
Use these I am statements (or make up your own) to support and love yourself as you grow and grow your business.
Try a Little Tenderness…
Even a Badass Rebel needs a hug sometimes.
I’ve got your back.